Though so often, life is too much to bear,
even by praying into Thy care.
We expect relief the instant we ask,
no matter the problem or task.

I look at the sky, all cloudy and gray,
daily, my problems won’t go away.
Then I think, if all was all right,
would I be here on Friday night?

I come to the altar and get down on my knees,
begin to pray by asking Him, “Please?”
The same problems, Lord, week after week,
I continue to come, I continue to seek.

But how long, Lord, will I have to wait?
I hope for an answer, before it is too late.
But late it may be in my frame of time,
He reaches out and places His hand in mine.

“Come with Me, let’s go for a walk,
We’ll travel in Spirit, and We can talk.”
He answers my questions, one and all,
and tells me to wait, for He is in control.

The sanctuary is empty, void of all sound,
maybe He’ll visit if I just hang around.
Answer all these questions going through my head,
with Scripture from the Word I’m sure I have read.

The time that I have is not nearly enough,
each day the path gets more narrow and rough.
I remember that day, I wish I could go back,
start over again, fill in what I lack.

Around the altar, now filling in one by one,
brethren seeking the Father and Jesus, the Son.
I wish I could join them and fulfill my part,
get rid of the confusion that tears open my heart.

I listen to others as they worship His name,
and I wonder to myself why I even came.
Around the altar- worship, praise, requests, & tears,
and in my pew, I’m still filled with my fears.

I wonder how different I would approach the altar,
every time I try, my body seems to falter.
I know I should be there, of that I have no doubt,
but still not enough to cause me to step out.

I look at the sea and it seems to say,
“Just step out, I’ll carry you away.”
I hear a voice, crying from the deep,
“Come join me now in an endless sleep.”

I don’t care to remember how many years ago,
I said, “Here I am, Lord. Send me, I’ll go.”
Now, it’s, “Lord, please find someone else,
I seem to have forgotten all that I know.”

Yet God says, “More than a conqueror I Am,”
He tells me I can, He’s my biggest Fan.
I am the head and not the tail,
if God is with me, I will never fail.

So let me gather my doubts and fears,
my times of weakness and all my tears.
My future is not as dark as it seems,
God will give me victorious dreams.

I return to the time I said I would go,
with Jesus I’ll stand against any foe.
Train me for battle- He’s got my back,
with Jesus I’m empowered, I have no lack.

O, Jesus, please take me, by Spirit I plead,
away from here, with all Mercy & Speed.
and while we’re together, wherever we go,
the Fire will rekindle and once again glow.

The sanctuary’s no longer void of all sound,
people of prayer are gathered all around.
Quietly, I retreat and find a solitary pew,
surveying the brethren from my point of view.

Still, I hear the others in worship & praise,
most have joined in, yet I sit and gaze.
Even my daughter did not hold back,
she’s up at the altar, with the courage I lack.

Will this recourse ever come to an end,
will I stand with others and call Jesus my Friend?
Will I ever find answers to the questions I ask,
or have I created the impossible task?

O, but I know, that I couldn’t write,
the struggle for my soul and this daily fight.
Knowledge and wisdom are not of my own,
but my Spirit transported from God’s Holy Throne.

Even knowing this wondrous gift from Above,
I still find it hard to give my heart in love.
It’s sad, really sad, amidst all of this strife,
that I’m so weak and willing to throw away life.

But thank God that Jesus never gives up,
His Resources reach the top of the cup.
I remember when I’m weak that He is Strong,
He never leaves me, He leads me along.

He gives me strength when I can’t bear,
He reminds me I’m never out of His care.
When I want to quit and throw the towel in,
Jesus reminds me- He’s conquered all sin.

I don’t have to worry, everything is done,
all the battles, He’s already won.
So stand strong in His Power & Might,
be a vessel to the world of Jesus’ Light.

PART ONE

I am crying and crying and no one can tell,
because the tears don’t cause my eyes to swell.
But all is not that simple and easy to hide,
especially the coldness that is growing inside.

Penetrating deep feeling among turmoil & strife,
embarrassing sensitivity, not even shared with my wife.
These feelings are growing more and more, day by day,
and still, the only answer is the spiritual way.

I’m pulled in all directions- north, south, east, & west,
no matter which road, I still find no rest.
Please, again, please, what more can I say,
I can’t even find rest at the end of the day?!

Perhaps if I took time to kneel down and pray,
a door would open & I’d find a way.
Lord, I surrender it all up to You,
so easy to say, yet so hard to do.

PART TWO

One morning’s misreading,
I’ll make up by two.
Soon it became,
more than I could do.

A devotion- a little time spent with the Lord,
found little room with all else aboard.
A fleeting moment to pray, put on my heart,
no time to give in and do my part.

Life’s so encumbered,
by all that surrounds.
The hustle & bustle,
the ups and the downs.

So easy to renew the habits of old and forget,
I don’t know how I drifted round and round.
It’s seems we just talked only yesterday,
the promises of the streets of gold.

Someone has to rescue me from this turmoil and strife,
and put some meaning back into my life.

Lord, I feel like an island in the sea,
the turmoil of decision encompassing me.
My heart so desires to speak as I feel,
but I need to know Lord, is my heart real?

Who is pressing this urging to my soul?
I need an answer before I come apart.
I want the Spirit to speak what I know,
if we’re in unity of an uplifting heart.

Should I stay quiet and rest on my past,
the statements I made in approaching this task?
Lord, again I desire to know,
again, should I pray and continue to fast?

Lord, it is hard to continue on,
when I’m fighting this battle deep inside.
I want to be sensitive with ears that hear,
and walk and talk with You at my side.

Am I rebellious, O Lord please say?
Search me, O Lord, and tell me today.
Speak to me Lord as daily I pray,
and show me, O Lord, the proper way.

Lord, again my soul cries out,
and the tears are barely hidden.
Lord, I plead as I drift in the sea,
Lord, if I’m wrong, may I be forgiven.

Holy Spirit, pour forth in Your special way,
the Fruits of the Spirit, which I need today.
To direct and to guide my walk, I pray,
as I need to glorify Lord Jesus everyday.

Written in 1986 for the Annual Business Financial Meeting in Shirley, NY.