Thor the Turkey: Pardoned or Chopped?

Let me introduce myself,
I’m a turkey, and the name is Thor.
I’m here and on a mission,
listen now, I’ll tell you more.

If you ever get close to me,
to try to do what you do,
down will come my hammer,
and you’ll feel its power on you.

Again, my name is Thor,
and I’m more than the average turkey.
I’m very multi-talented,
and I also write poetry.

Two of my many friends,
are locked in a battle now.
You may know the two of them,
they are the chicken and the cow.

“Eat more beef,” says the one,
EAT MOR CHIKIN“* says the other.
Why can’t they work it out,
and live like sisters together?

I went to court to check it out,
and checked my hammer at the door.
I entered the court to try and help,
and they wrestled me to the floor.

They had visions of me for dinner,
and off to jail I went.
Thanksgiving was closing in,
and I would be the main event!

There was no escaping now,
I called the President to plead.
I asked him for his mercy,
“I’m in a desperate time of need.”

Time is getting short,
and the hour is very late.
It seems like this is the end,
dinner is my final fate.

As the clock is striking twelve,
I’m listening to it ding.
But in the faded distance,
I can hear a phone ring.

Could it be the President,
did he call after all?
Could it be a pardon,
or will the guillotine fall?

Is it true, is it true,
has my execution stopped?
Has my neck been saved,
instead of being chopped?

After I was pardoned,
I felt like a winner.
And everyone celebrated,
with a festive turkey dinner!

*EAT MOR CHIKIN is a registered trademark of Chick-Fil-A Inc.

Knowing Where

Pastor, Rabbi, & Priest, all with a day off,
decided to go fishing that day.
They loaded the car with lunch and gear,
and before long, they were on their way.

They got to the dock and loaded the boat,
thinking they’d remembered everything.
They got the boat out onto the lake,
when the Pastor realized he forgot something.

He stepped out of the boat, and walked on water,
to the shore & to the car.
He walked on the water & returned to the boat,
which wasn’t really out that far.

Next, the Rabbi took his turn,
stepped out of the boat and walked on water.
He didn’t come back right away,
but he returned a little later.

The Priest was watching & was amazed,
with all the things he did see.
He figured it was God above,
so he figured it just had to be.

He figured after all, he’d give it a try,
and he told them he had to go.
He stepped out of the boat & sank to the bottom,
to the very depths below.

When he came back up to the top,
he asked why he couldn’t get to the car.
The Pastor & Rabbi said in unison,
“We never told you where the rocks are!”

Inspired by a common joke told in the public domain.

Beware of Christian Horses

It’s not easy, but I’ll try my best,
to tell a joke in prose.
I just hope it’s not one,
that everybody knows.

Two couples were on vacation,
at a Christian dude ranch.
They decided to go horseback riding,
and one of the horses name was Branch.

“These are the only four horses I have left,
and they only answer to Christian commands.
You have to use words from the Bible,
so that they understand.

“Praise the Lord!” makes them go,
“Hallelujah!” makes ‘em turn right.
Another thing to remember,
is that the horses don’t go at night.

“Amen!” and he will go left,
“Glory!” and he will stop.
And watch out for the cliffs,
for they’re a deadly drop.

“Now you’re ready for a ride,
I hope you remember it all.
The horses are saddled and ready to go,
go and have yourselves a ball!”

They all got mounted up,
and started out from there.
They began slowly,
with a feeling of nervous care.

After riding for quite a while,
Branch was spooked by a snake.
He started to gallop in fright,
the ride was no longer a piece of cake.

As the horse went running off,
the rider forgot what to say.
He couldn’t remember a single command,
not a thing that was said all day.

He started reciting all the terms he knew,
and with no one to help, he was on his own, alas.
In the distance he saw a cliff,
and it was coming up fast.

“Hallelujah!” & the horse went left,
“Amen!” & the horse went right.
The more the horse ran,
the more he was filled with fright.

The rider tried to remember,
more words from the Bible story.
Because soon it would be the end,
and he’d end up in “Glory!”

The horse came to a stop,
at the very edge of the cliff.
The rider was so happy he had to say,
“Praise the Lord!” Get the drift?

Inspired by a common joke told in the public domain.

What is Social Media?

Today is the annual global event called Social Media Day. In honor of this digital age of the Internet, we have composed a poem solely dedicated to the social media sites in the United States.

Social media components aren’t complicated,
so I’ll help you and break them down.
Not too hard to figure out,
but they could cause a frown.

facebook-logoimage-facebook-logopng-moshi-monsters-wiki-dmua0wep

A face book sounds like a photo album,
and a way to make friends you don’t like.
If you don’t like someone’s status,
just tell them, “Take a hike!”

First you have to friend a person,
to have them view your statuses.
But what to do if they’re not your friend?
Facebook- the Supreme Court Justices!

Everything that you do on Facebook,
you can post to your wall.
After you complete your status page,
the world now knows your all and all.

twitter_logo

Birds go tweet,
Twitter goes Tweet.
A Twitter bird goes Tweet-tweet,
I repeat.

Time passing,
tweet, tweety.
Why not talk,
one hundred forty.

instagram-logo

Instagram sounds like a typed message,
but it says, “Post a picture to your feed.”
I think it is in the wrong component,
it’s more like a face book you need.

Why not be the person who you are,
and look your natural self- no change!
If you filter to make it look nicer,
you may not be able to rearrange.

Pinterest_Logo

Once again the component,
just doesn’t match the task.
I could just punch up Facebook,
and have him send me his album, if I ask.

Then I could save all my pins,
for some other job to do.
Like a good ole’ bulletin board,
which serves both me and you.

YouTube-logo-full_color

Have your own channel without a TV?
Something beyond my belief!
It seems like science fiction,
but there is some relief.

At least we have no pictures,
to pin to an album or board.
But where do you get the people,
and where do you keep ’em stored?

logo-linkedin

Why connect with someone I don’t know,
and post updates about life’s important things?
I’d rather share with a friend,
all the information life brings.

If I share too much about work,
place everything on one page-
I may be looking for a new job,
which is not-so-good at my age!

trademark_logo

Vines just grow and grow and grow,
they seem to have nothing but time.
But if you can do a SIX-SECOND VIDEO!
I’d like you to be a friend of mine!

I know beyond any doubt,
you understand social media components.
So when you’re lonely with nothing to do,
tweet me- care the psychiatric department!

In case you hadn’t noticed, the Twitter section contains only 140 characters. And, while we’re on the topic of social media, punch up our Twitter page- twitter.com/wordonthepete